Not in My Hot Tub!

So I just finished working sound for a musical at my school this weekend...Friday night me and a few others in the cast and crew decide to go kick it and chillax at my normal recreational spot, which just so happens to be a totally kickass hot tub. When we get there I was all excited...so I run to the hot tub, strip down completely naked, and jump in...(mind you, it's about 30 degrees outside)...The water was freezing!!! I jump out screaming, "IT'S A COLD TUB!!! IT'S A COLD TUB!!!" While running around naked in the freezing cold. All my friends could do was keep laughing while I scrambled for my clothes and tried to keep my teeth from chattering. "Why didn't you test the water first?" my guy friends asked. "BECAUSE IT'S A HOT TUB AND I COME HERE ALL THE TIME...I EXPECTED IT TO BE HOT!" Plus, I'm just a jump right in kind of girl.

These Are Some Recent and Very Perplexing Questions...

that I have recently had to deal with...Mostly in conversation with my friends, yet there seems to be no "right" answer to any of them as far as we can tell:

1.) If you are a bisexual, isn't dating a transexual really the best of both worlds?

2.) Since Jesus came back from the dead, does that make him a zombie?

3.) Since cats always land on their feet and buttered toast always lands butter side down, if you tie a piece of buttered toast (butter side up) to a cat's back, did you just create an anti-gravity machine?

I said, yes to all. However, many people disagree. My conclusion = They are wrong and I am always right.

I Heart College Because...

I can get away with so much. Like, performing a monologue from the "Waiting for Guffman" out takes and still get a call-back, or write a play based on real events where people say, "fuck", "shit", and "Dude" every other word and read it out loud in class, or do a complete badass analysis of Sartre's "No Exit" and direct it next year in a brand new theatre...more on that later...

I Heart High School Because...
I am student teaching right now and the kids love me. I am the cool teacher, and whenever they discover one of my tattoos I act like it's all hush-hush and only they know it's there. I get to teach awesome improv games, and warm-ups like, "Screaming Ninjas". I get to color, dance, and yell...in stilletos. I get to see the light bulbs in their heads click on and it's amazing.


Dear Friends,

Remind me that I want to teach College, not High School. High School teachers are poor. Plus, college professors can teach in chucks. Also, if I teach high school I will have to wear long sleeves year round to cover my tattoos. REMIND ME OF ALL OF THIS. You Rock,

-Rex

Taking One for the Team....

When a friend says to you, "Come on, take one for the team!" Any smart person would realize that whatever comes next is going to be trouble. However I'm cursed with that fucking niceness and loyalty to my friends thing. Fuck me sideways! Last night was fucking awful! We were all downtown celebrating Fat tuesday...wait, let me preface this by saying that I never hang out in downtown Columbus because it is a military town and I can't take being hit on by stupid army fuckers. Anyway, we were downtown, drinking margaritas and minding our business. Then this insanely attractive guy walks out of the bar smoking a cigarette. My friend Sandy asks to bum one. He opens his mouth and has this really hot Irish accent. He has fucking badass sleeves, so I ask him where he gets inked and we chat friendly like, but not overly flirty. Then Chris asks me to come in with him, so I leave hot Irish man outside with Sandy and go inside. A few minutes later Chris tells me hot Irish man keeps looking at me. Irish proceeds to come over to our table and sit down. Chris excuses us and asks me to go to the bathroom. In the bathroom I tell Chris that Irish is so stupid, dull, and lacking in personality that he is hurting my brain. Chris wants to see him naked and insists on inviting Dumblin to the hot tub. "Take one for the Team!" We go to leave, but before we make it out the door Dumlin's Irish friend pukes. Ewww. We get to the hot tub and it is full of people. Too bad : ( Wait, Chris insists we go to his house and return to said hot tub later. We start to play "Never Have I ever..." and all I can think is, "Never have I ever had one man hurt my brain so much by just talking..." It's bad enough because due to the think accent you can hardly understand what he's saying...But, no...IT GETS WORSE! He starts whispering in my ear in broken Spanish! I mean, this shit is not even sentences. "siempre...puedo...amor...merienda...corazon...ojos." Just some utterly retarded shit. I'm like, "I can't understand you." So he replies, "No, I'm speaking Spanish." I say, "Um, no you're not." I mean, for real dude? Does that fucking work for you? There is honestly nothing more annoying the the world than hearing some guy with an Irish accent try to speak Spanish! Then... he keeps groping me and trying to lure me away with him to go hook up or whatever. Um, NO! WTF!?! I just met you. I don't like you. And I'm not that kind of girl. Then the Irish are supposed to follow us back to the hot tub and I'm riding with Sandy so I speed up, turn off my lights, turn and park into a parking space, and they pass us. Sandy looked at me and said, "Damn, Girl! That was some fucking ninja shit!" Then Sandy and I proceed to go home sans the Irish.