I am Fucking Brilliant!

And I quote...myself, "Semantics is the red-headed-step-child of Philosophy."

For further explanation of this stroke of genius feel free to ask me.

HAPPY HANUKKAH TO ME!!!!!

I Have a car!!!! And not just any car, I have an SUV. I have a fucking Road Warrior! All you little cars watch out because I am now the proud owner of a mean gas guzzling machine. My dad rules.

I Had This Dream Last Night...

It was like a very flash-backy type of thing. Really odd. I can't remember most of it. But, I kissed him and it was really fucking real, and just as fucking painful. Then I woke up, cried, and realized that it's his birthday. Happy Birthday.

Scary Because It's True!!!

The other day I am calmy sleeping in my room...in my bed...about 2.5ft away from my night stand. I lazily open my eyes and look over toward my night stand to see a spider. I'm only half awake, mind you. I didn't think much of it, so I close my eyes to go back to sleep. I open my eyes again about 2 seconds later and think to myself, "Hey, that was a pretty big spider. Spiders are cool. I'll just get a closer look at it." I'm still half asleep. I get to where the spider is about 6 inches away from my face only to see: A FUCKING RED HOURGLASS!!! I jump out of bed and run into the hall screaming, "BLACK WIDOW, BLACK WIDOW!! THERE WAS A BLACK WIDOW BY MY FACE! IT'S IN MY ROOM!" My aunt and cousin come back armed with windex and paper towels like they're going to clean it to death. My cousin looks around and says, "Where'd it go?" "I don't know. I panicked." I reply.
"Well it's not here."
"Holy shit. There is no way I am sleeping in here. There is a deadly spider on the loose." I've been on the couch ever since.

This Evil Asian is Making Me Her SLAVE!!

Actully, when I put it that way it sounds kind of sexy. DO NOT BE FOOLED PEOPLE: This is no sexy situation! Believe me, I wish it were. As if it wasn't cruel enough to make me take a final at 8:30am this morning...a freakin' Saturday morning...oh, no...I have my last final on Monday morning and it is impossible to do well on it. Way to chop a whole weekend off my winter break you bastards. My brain is currently refusing any information I try to feed it. I think it wants me to go to bed or something. Well fuck you very much, Brain. I have finals to study for! I just keep taking more aderall and energy drinks. Fuck, I am so gonna have another stroke. It's okay, I just request a ruffled blouse and an eyepatch in case my eye remains lazy this time.

My Insurance covers me getting...

my boobies smallerized. LOVE EM' WHILE YOU CAN PEOPLE!!!

Last Thing...

I swear...I just listened to Cor D'amours: In Trutina from "Carmina Burana" and it changed my life.

Boys Are Stupid....

It's a scientific fact. That is all for now.

Oh, wait.....also: Dear Internet,
Quit being so fucking distracting. Thanks,
-Miranda
XOXO